Sometimes

I feel so much rage and anger and I realize it’s because I’m hurt and angry at myself. I disappointed myself by bringing in a sociopathic, manipulative worm into mine and my daughters world. Now my girls feel so much shame and anger that it’s impossible for them to even speak with me. All because of this vile and ugly creature I married. I should’ve known his relationship with his “roomate” was not just friends living together. He used his roommates love against him the same way he did with me. When he told me how he used to very easily fool his mother and his friends all the time, that should’ve been my sign post as to what kind of manipulative lying heartless sociopath he was going to be with me. Why would I have been any different than his mother? No one is safe with this sociopath running around. He’ll play his little games of lies and manipulations until someone discovers it then he’ll just simply move on to the next victim. I pray whoever he’s going to deal with next doesn’t have young kids. I’ve walked in on a few acts of his insanity to then have him convince me it wasn’t what it looked like. It was really easy for him to do at first. Who would want to believe that a grown man would falaciate his cat while pleasing himself?

At least the first time I witnessed it, it was easy to convince myself I didn’t really see what I saw. That’s the exact moment I should shown him the door and kicked his twisted ass out of my life. I’m very angry with myself for allowing things to continue. However, I can forgive myself because I have found countless of other women who have fallen for the same charming, love-bombing sociopath, compulsive liars all over the world. It’s become my calling to teach and preach to the young people of the world that their instincts are always spot on and they need to listen to that little voice and follow it fearlessly. 

At this time, my husband is convincing some other poor lowly victim, that he is truly for them only as long as they let him rule them emotionally. He will convince them that all his ex partners were crazy and didn’t understand him, that he only made little mistakes and he’s just as fallible as anyone else. He will convince them and before they even know what’s happening, he will dictate what their reality is in order for them not to see his true heartless form.I have come to appreciate the Spartan mentality when it comes to destroying a maladjusted individual to save the rest of the species. Those sociopaths that can not be reformed should be destroyed for the sake of the greater good. In order to save future generations from this malady, we must educate and I feel we should extracate as well. However, I realize it could be just my anger dictating the solution. In any case, it is my mission to educate. I pray to all that is holy and good in this world to find a way to extracate and save us from this little known and widely spread disease called, The Sociopath.

I have been asked to speak with a couple of representatives at the local domestic abuse center. I’m humbled and proud to meet with the NH senator and with The First Lady of Florida. I will stand by them proudly representing someone who has lived through a lifetime of abuse and decided “No More!” I will not be silenced any longer. 

Pre-Unboobified

It’s a perfect day here in New England. There are white puffy clouds rolling by, and the wind sweeping through is just cool enough to comfort from the warmth of the sun. The eyes squint from the bright light bouncing off the cars whizzing through the streets. The birds are tweeting their messages to each other off the evergreen trees which pricks at the nose to capture their scent. The lilacs are blooming now and their smell is intoxicating enough to bring forth the memory of a younger age, the memory of carefree days. I take it all in as I consider that tomorrow I embark on a mission to save my life from a cancer growing in my breast. 

The outpouring of love and support from those I’ve known for an age to those I’ve met in so many days has humbled me to the core of my being. There is no doubt in me that there is a purpose to all this madness of life and me. I see in the souls that are surrounding me now a sense of age old wisdom, strength, determination, and most of all, a pure sense of love that has contrasted the most recent events in my life. Through them I am made wiser, stronger and I have more determination to withstand it all so that I may, one day, be able to give back all the love they have so graciously given me. I don’t know how I’ll repay them but I’m confident the universe will show me the way. It hasn’t let me down so far and I know it’s not about to now.

She Is For Me As I Am For Her

  
She calls me out into the pathless woods to spin under her canopy.

I hear the tune of the wind whistling through the trees,

keeping pace with the melody of the birds singing an ancient song.

The soft symphony gives way as my feet trod on the pillowy ground,

softened by the pine and grass as if it was coming up to meet my feet,

And slowly kiss each step as to welcome me home.

The scent of her powerful aroma takes me up into her loving embrace,

dancing in my mind and spirit with promises to live there forever.

She takes my heart in her hands and with pursed leaves she blows.

The glow of my heart becomes brighter with loving green light.

I stand in grateful servitude knowing the gift to be sacred and rare,

I bow accepting it as she touches my heart and it begins to beat again.

It follows the melody of old, the ancient tune of my ancestors.

She renews my warrior spirit and gives me strength again to continue.  

I am assured of victory for in her whispers and her songs

There is the promise that she is for me as I am for her

IrisMoon🌜

Medicated Haze

     
Like a wisp of a ghost I wander through an unfamiliar scene.

 Wherever I am makes no difference. It’s all just a dream.  

At least that’s how it feels after I take the white nuggets of surrender. 

So many to take to relieve me from the way you touched me and the way you cut me. 

From the dreams that wake me with a scream. 

More to take to relieve me of the pain of a friendship that was designed only as a game you played with my mind. 

Throwing words of feelings like darts that only pierced through me as If I was a board. 

Another pill to help me understand that I was touched by a man with no heart, that shrugs off calls of desperation to stop. 

Another one to help me deal with the exasperated find of the dark spot on my chest that needs to be cut away. 

And there they will take away the last part of you I held onto. 

Then more magic white nuggets to bring me through to the other side so that I may say my final goodbye.

Old Wounds

His voice crackles through the cool night air

Like lighting cutting through the sky

The cut on my wrist itching slightly 

Reminding me of the madness of my flight

My past haunts me still in the echoes of midnight dreams

I hear the scrapping of powder in the background

The sniffling of the nose with the question fogging the air 

The river of denial runs deep in muddy waters

Threatening to drag you under and keep you locked in

I’ve seen this play out before with a mill city backdrop

It ends with broken hearts, broken dreams, broken people

The sick and twisted ride, only makes me vomit and sweat

There’s nothing you can offer me that I haven’t already left

Nothing you can imagine to be, that you could actually become

Stay in your dreamland coma and leave me to the present

I much prefer the reminder of a scar than a fresh new one

Iris Moon🌜

Praying For Peaceful End

There is no choice

Only the voice

That calls her soul to win
Take up arms, face the struggle

Pick up the heart found in the rubble

Your spirit will soon mend
So Today you will bleed

For Tomorrow you will lead

Victory in peaceful end
Dry your face, away the tears

Pack away the trouble and your fears

Steady gaze with sword in hand
Always the warrior battle ready

Holding shield up strong and steady

Saving the wretched in the land
There is no choice

Always just the voice

Calling her soul to win
by IrisMoon 🌜

To Be or Not To Be

If I do nothing, the cancer in my body will eventually spread and take over everything until it kills me. Would it be painful? It isn’t now. I don’t know if I want to continue to survive my life or if I should just let it go. I’ve lived already. I’ve done so much of what I wanted to do. Right now there’s nothing but pain and sacrifice in the future. What’s to live for? Why shouldn’t I die now? The thought of growing old has never been appealing to me. Ever since I was a very young girl, I’ve always had the thought, the idea that I would not grow old. A premonition perhaps but it wasn’t fear. I don’t fear getting older. I just always felt that I wouldn’t see my face growing long wrinkles, or my hair getting whiter and whiter and my body slowly deteriorating. I’ve always felt that it wasn’t my fate. The cancer I have seems more in line with that, it seems fated.

I’m trying to be strong and stay tough, see it through because that’s what everyone expects me to do and I hate to disappoint anyone. Deep down inside I can’t deny the will to fight is waning. I keep trying to find something in my life that I want to fight for, something that I could build strength from, to give me purpose and I can’t grasp anything, not one single thing. Family, once but it’s lead to extreme disappointment for me backed by cruelty and ignorance. My children would be a great resource if they didn’t already shut me out of their lives and told me I was poison to them. Love, well, my marriage is a complete failure, there’s nothing there but hurt, rage, distrust and betrayal. My friends wouldn’t understand that they are not enough but it’s the reality I face. I don’t love anything as deeply as what has already lead to heartbreak, failure and disbelief. I could fight it and live another 30 years but, why when all life has offered has made me suffer.  The moments, small moments of happiness, well, I would trade them all in for a peaceful, uneventful life. I’ve been waiting for the miracle, something to show me that I have to fight to stay alive but I’ve only been answered with this ticket of departure. Maybe the cancer is a sign that it’s time for me to go. 

So, Now You’re Sorry I Have Cancer

This dull throbbing sickly pain keeping pace with my heart,

Makes more sense than the one I felt when we were split apart.

YOU KNOW what tore us from each other and no one could explain,

how you thought the lies were easy, simple and typically just plain.

This hot searing feeling inside making me clench my fist,

is easier to take than the lies spewing out of your manipulative face.

The knife going through my skin and cutting pieces of me out,

I prefer than what you inferred in building my self doubt.

So take your sorry, take your sad and take your hurtful crap,

And give it to someone else who can accept your phonic slaps.

~ Iris Moon🌜

You Are The Demon Inside By IrisMoon🌜

  

Pathetic as your words, sorrowful as your eyes

You lack a soul and spirit, you’re a coward that hides

under the twisted and gnarled mindlessness

of your insane and witless succubus

Who could only slightly make the claim

of distracting your twisted sexual pain

Your flesh you believe that holds all the power

is a crooked and warped unbalanced tower

You deserve the hell of the chaos you’re in

While you starve in the dark and your flesh burns in sin

You’ll never know love, righteousness and glory

You will always be the demon in my true story

I’m The Hero by Iris Moon 🌜

I’m the hero of the story, 

the strong one that walked away.

 The one that decided I’m too good for your crap 

and life means too much to look at you everyday. 

I’m the hero of the story, 

the one who left with dignity, honesty, and righteous bravery.

 You will always be the villain, the demon, the sad sorry tumor I cut away.