If you think you are dealing with a sociopath in whatever kind of relationship, business, romantic, therapeutic or educational, here are some rules to follow (as much as is humanly possible!)
1. Get professional help
This is an incredibly useful thing to do and very often overlooked when people are looking for help in dealing with a sociopath or a narcissist. Every step after this one becomes so much easier when you understand the motivations and tactics of the sociopath as well as how mind control works.
A therapist who specializes in this area will help you to understand the steps taken by the sociopath to capture you and manipulate you. This is important for several reasons. Firstly, it means you’re able to see the relationship for what it is, something totally false that the sociopath creates in order to manipulate your emotions.
Secondly, the sociopath loses his power over you. He can no longer manipulate you in the same way and the effect he has becomes minimal.
This is really important because sociopaths like to dominate and control. When it becomes obvious to them that they are expending more effort trying to control you then it takes you to keep them away, they typically get fed up and move away to find easier prey.
2. Get professional help
I know! But is so much easier than doing this on your own…
Sociopaths and narcissists install beliefs in their victims that they, the victims, are responsible for what happens to themselves and that they should be able to sort things out for themselves. This is enhanced when the person is isolated from family and friends.
Cult leaders also install a sense of superiority or elitism in the members. They do this firstly because the members become clones of the leader and the sociopathic leader believes he is better than others. And secondly because the members believe they know things that outsiders do not, or they know more than outsiders. Therefore how could someone outside the group help them?
Add to this a contempt for psychiatrists and psychologists because of comments by the leadership, and it becomes very difficult for victims to seek outside expert help in dealing with a sociopath.
3. Cease contact
No contact means no contact. No phone calls, no text messages, no e-mails. As long as you continue to engage the sociopath they will continue to try and manipulate you. They have nothing better to do in their lives. In fact, often they will spend their lives trying to continue to manipulate you!
Sociopaths don’t have friends. They perceive others as victims or competitors, and the competitors typically end up as victims too, because the sociopath wants to win at all costs.
Any contact is a sign for them that they still have a chance to continue to manipulate you. It’s absolutely useless to want to have the last word or to need to explain how upset you have been. You’re just giving them a chance to continue to play with your emotions, and the lack of empathy and guilt gives the sociopath an advantage that you will never have, and that you can never beat.
No ultimatums or power plays either. You are going to lose. Don’t waste your energy.
Of course, sometimes it’s simply not possible to cease all contact straightaway. Children, business contracts, marriages may need to be sorted out first. But as soon as you realize you’re dealing with a sociopath, you need to take steps to protect yourself.
Get copies of important paperwork and computer files. Store them in a friend’s house. If you do need to communicate use e-mail and keep all copies. Let their phone calls go to voice mail and save them. If you fear for your physical safety, take whatever steps are necessary. Get professional help if you need to.
Let other people know what’s happening, including your boss. Very often when you try and break off contact, a sociopath will try to begin to manipulate the people around you. Get them on your side first, before he tries to make you look bad and/or crazy. You are going to need support!
4. Do not give them more information about you
Any information you give them can and will be used against you. This is important because you are dealing with a sociopath. This means you are dealing with a professional manipulator and you should expect that any personal information you give will be used to manipulate your emotions, blame you for what is happening and/or used to try to continue the relationship.
If you need to communicate, keep it short, stick to the facts (no opinions or personal thoughts) and communicate as if you know your communication is going to be read out in court.
5. Know your weaknesses
Because the sociopath certainly does! And has been taking full advantage of them. At least if you understand what you’re weaknesses are it gives you a better chance of dealing with a sociopath because you will recognize when he is pressing your buttons.
And why you’re at it, check out your strengths too. Chances are the sociopath has been manipulating you by using them as well! For example, if you are good at helping people, he will want to be helped.
6. Pay attention to your instincts
What are your instincts telling you? It’s difficult when dealing with a sociopath because due to the manipulation you have been overriding your instincts. What, for example, was your initial feeling on first meeting the sociopath? Did you give them the benefit of the doubt at the start for whatever reason? This is something you can never afford to do when dealing with a sociopath.
7. Do not try to reform them or give them more chances…
There is no treatment for sociopathy/psychopathy. Often it makes them worse! They simply learn more about people’s behavior in therapy sessions and it gives them more ammunition for later.
Somebody who has no conscience has no conscience. They’re not going to change. In fact, because of their big egos, arrogance and sense of entitlement, they think they are better than everybody else and see absolutely no reason to change.
And besides, doing this means that you are maintaining contact. See rule 3.
8. Educate yourself
Read books about mind control, about psychopaths and watch moviesand videos. Apply the information to yourself. How were you deceived from the beginning? How did they keep the charade going? What techniques were they using? Why did you fall for them? This is all part of your recuperation for undoing the influence these charlatans had on you.
9. Realize that it’s not your fault
You have been dealing with a sociopath. You have been tricked, deceived and manipulated. Somebody was deliberately moulding your reality, influencing your decisions and directing your thinking and behavior. Whatever happened during this time is not your fault. You did not realize what was going on. You were not fully informed. If you need to, forgive yourself. And realize that you do not have to apologize to other people either, if you don’t want to.
Warrior Moon 